we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
