I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
