I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
