I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
