We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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