this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
