I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
