So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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