battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
