He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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