I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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