I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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