So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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