currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
