Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
