theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
