she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
