from now on my penis is your penis
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
