i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
