I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
