and she was petting her beer can
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
