What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
