Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
