Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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