just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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