I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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