I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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