you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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