2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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