My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
