Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
