It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
