the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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