Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he thought i was a dude.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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