Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
