brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
