This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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