White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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