We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
