you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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