Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
