nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
bring money and cleavage
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
