I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
