Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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