Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
