we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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