Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Come on in and take your pants off
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