haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This is my gift to your gina
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
