yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
