I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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