I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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