how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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