i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
