The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
