I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
