i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
