my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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