neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
