He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
